Josephine

I made a post about Theodore's name when he was growing and small in my womb. I hadn't planned to post about Josephine. In fact, I haven't written much in three years. Now she is big and growing in my womb, and due to join us any day. So, what does her name mean? The wonder of a new life is a good reason to dust off my love of writing again.

We had thought to call our first girl "Albany" because I love the sound of it. But once we discovered we were officially having a girl Ian became very discontented with the reality that Albany only means "from Albany." It's not meaningful hardly at all. I found that understandable. At the end of the day Ian really loved the name Josephine and I really loved the idea of calling her "Jo."

The best thing for me, however, is the meaning of her name. Josephine literally means "God will add." This instantly became a promise to me. When we were in Chicago and Teddy was about a year or so old I finally found a mom's group to rest amidst and learn from. I told one of the moms that I would be prepared for the next baby by knowing how hard and lonely it can be to have a newborn. Teddy's presence in my life tried and tested me more than I could have imagined possible. This wonderfully inspirational mother inspired me not to do that, however. She told me I should be optimistic and expect wonderful things. She understood something about joy I did not. I held onto her words, sure deep inside me that my next baby adventure would be better. So, when I knew what the name Josephine meant I was sure I would somehow be able to find joy in mothering her right away - instead of the struggle I felt with Teddy.

There's more depth to struggle than I give it credit, though. All my life I have waged war with finding sustainable joy. I have been deeply sad in the core of myself about the many hard things I have went through in life, and I've believed this sadness was the thief of the joy I longed for. As often happens in life I have things around me which press on me right now. I feel sad and angry about certain things and this challenges me to keep my joy in perspective about Josephine's arrival.

So, what has God been doing in my life but simply and perfectly deepening my shallow understanding? He takes my struggles and enlightens the issue I had with Teddy from the beginning. Sadness is not a thief of joy. Sadness, and even anger, when properly processed are entirely good emotions to have. For instance, there are many things to mourn in a fallen world, and there are many things that anger God. If God has these emotions and they are good it's possible that we may experience them too. Yet God is also the God of joy. I am being reminded that I can have sadness, anger AND joy. They all are necessary right now. Some of my struggles demand sadness and anger. Yet the miracle of my baby girl's life demands joy.

Even her middle name has enlightened my understanding of joy. We gave her the name Jacqueline after my Grandma Jackie. Jacqueline means "supplanter" because it derives from Jacob. But when I personally think of Jacob I am always reminded that he is the one who wrestled with God. (I often feel a bit like Jacob in my life).

So, Josephine comes bringing joy and the reminder that no life is without wrestling of various kinds. I will certainly have struggles as a second time mother, but this time I will also have joy. And joy, when properly processed, is like a cup overflowing. Its beauty even helps one to properly process sadness and anger when they arrive at the door. Josephine adds to my life the revelation of how to have joy even when I am confronted with trial.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness..."