Assuming the Biased Position
Clarifying
This blog is actually an intro to a couple more blogs which will explain to those tied to me what is generally going on with my life and relationships with God and Ian. There have been some unpleasant assumptions going on.
People misjudge a lot. I’ve had respectable people I’ve trusted and loved deeply accuse me of being willing to either move to Tulsa for one man or Pennsylvania for another. I am not that type of woman and that insult cuts with more than one judgement call. It’s based on an assumptive bias of a young girl’s heart and far outdated perspectives of the workings of my own.
So, there’s certainly a balance I’ve had to find. I’ve accepted that people will misjudge me, even those closest to me. I can’t be responsible for what everyone and their dog thinks of my life choices. I often feel if you don’t ask me what’s going on you don’t really care and if you don’t really care you’re wasting your time to have a negative assumption about me anyway. Gossip is real easy to fall into at that point too, and the kicker is that it so conveniently hides behind a mask of “concern.”
However, I also feel I shouldn’t disregard that my lack of expression about my life can be confusing… a balance to find. But ministry steps in to triumph over the pain of being misjudged. Silence is not clarity and the best I can do is be clear as I share my revelations with others through writing.
So, here goes. There are two aspects I’d like to expound upon before continuing about my life.
Assuming
I am opposed to assumptions. I used to be very assumptive and am still walking through that. I now lean toward believing we should never make assumptions; particularly in two main areas.
1. Regarding any person’s character or pending actions.
2. Regarding what each day will bring.
Assumptions trump our hearts from seeing God’s will be done. I don’t mean you shouldn’t measure someone’s capability for certain tasks based on what you see of their related abilities or that you shouldn’t keep an idea of what events will probably occur during the day and how they might make you feel. However, being firm on situational events before they even happen is a recipe for all sorts of trouble.
I’d give examples but that would make this blog obnoxiously long. It’s sufficient to say that when people start acting out of assumptions there can be a lot of drama, disappointment, pride, hindering of ministry (toward others and yourself), hurt and unnecessary conflict (especially when the assumptions are negative or wrong).
Wonder things, ponder, but don’t assume. That’s what I’m learning.
Biases
I would like to add a kind of side note. Just a bit different than assuming (though still negative to my life lately), I also am working on not being biased in my approach and views on life and other people’s lives. God works in many forms, believe it or not. One of His ways can not be better than another or it would dismiss His sovereignty. He doesn’t do good things at varying levels. Good things are defined by the fact that God does them. Every choice God makes is purely good, and He chooses to work in the lives of many different Christians across many different cultures in multiple different ways. Being led to do things differently than how the sub-culture of my church does them does not mean I am stepping out of the will of God.
These thoughts on assumptions and biases have been blooming flowers in my life which I am very happy to share parts of. I would like to write about them individually one day, but for now they're mainly the necessary guide for my next two blogs.
This blog is actually an intro to a couple more blogs which will explain to those tied to me what is generally going on with my life and relationships with God and Ian. There have been some unpleasant assumptions going on.
People misjudge a lot. I’ve had respectable people I’ve trusted and loved deeply accuse me of being willing to either move to Tulsa for one man or Pennsylvania for another. I am not that type of woman and that insult cuts with more than one judgement call. It’s based on an assumptive bias of a young girl’s heart and far outdated perspectives of the workings of my own.
So, there’s certainly a balance I’ve had to find. I’ve accepted that people will misjudge me, even those closest to me. I can’t be responsible for what everyone and their dog thinks of my life choices. I often feel if you don’t ask me what’s going on you don’t really care and if you don’t really care you’re wasting your time to have a negative assumption about me anyway. Gossip is real easy to fall into at that point too, and the kicker is that it so conveniently hides behind a mask of “concern.”
However, I also feel I shouldn’t disregard that my lack of expression about my life can be confusing… a balance to find. But ministry steps in to triumph over the pain of being misjudged. Silence is not clarity and the best I can do is be clear as I share my revelations with others through writing.
So, here goes. There are two aspects I’d like to expound upon before continuing about my life.
Assuming
I am opposed to assumptions. I used to be very assumptive and am still walking through that. I now lean toward believing we should never make assumptions; particularly in two main areas.
1. Regarding any person’s character or pending actions.
2. Regarding what each day will bring.
Assumptions trump our hearts from seeing God’s will be done. I don’t mean you shouldn’t measure someone’s capability for certain tasks based on what you see of their related abilities or that you shouldn’t keep an idea of what events will probably occur during the day and how they might make you feel. However, being firm on situational events before they even happen is a recipe for all sorts of trouble.
I’d give examples but that would make this blog obnoxiously long. It’s sufficient to say that when people start acting out of assumptions there can be a lot of drama, disappointment, pride, hindering of ministry (toward others and yourself), hurt and unnecessary conflict (especially when the assumptions are negative or wrong).
Wonder things, ponder, but don’t assume. That’s what I’m learning.
Biases
I would like to add a kind of side note. Just a bit different than assuming (though still negative to my life lately), I also am working on not being biased in my approach and views on life and other people’s lives. God works in many forms, believe it or not. One of His ways can not be better than another or it would dismiss His sovereignty. He doesn’t do good things at varying levels. Good things are defined by the fact that God does them. Every choice God makes is purely good, and He chooses to work in the lives of many different Christians across many different cultures in multiple different ways. Being led to do things differently than how the sub-culture of my church does them does not mean I am stepping out of the will of God.
These thoughts on assumptions and biases have been blooming flowers in my life which I am very happy to share parts of. I would like to write about them individually one day, but for now they're mainly the necessary guide for my next two blogs.
(Not related to blog. I just needed a picture)
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